Teach me how to trust
by Chanel5
Summary: A look at Jo's trust issues. Alex is trying to understand. He was in her shoes when he was an intern so he is prepared to be patient. After all he loves her.
1. Insecurity

**A/N: Well I have been away from Fan Fiction for a year or more now. Nothing has inspired me until now. I am totally on board with Alex and Jo. I really hope you like it. I have no real idea yet where this is going, but any feedback would be great.**

**Thanks**

**Chanel**

**Chapter 1 – Insecurity**

"Jo...Jo Are you home?" Alex asked as he walked in the front door. Jo had her 1 day a week off today, so Alex had managed to finish up as early as he could so they could spend some time together. It was only 4.00pm.

"Just a minute." Jo called from upstairs in their bedroom. "Shit Shit" she muttered under her breath as she pushed her shopping bags underneath the bed. Jo quickly put on her dressing gown and was about to go downstairs when Alex opened the door to their room.

"Are you ok Hun?" he asked. Jo was flushed in the face from rushing around.

"Yeah of course, why?" She asked.

"Well, you are flushed and you have your dressing gown on at 4.00 in the afternoon. Did you actually spend the whole day in bed? And without me?" Alex smirked as he walked over to kiss her.

"Um well no of course not. I've been busy, very busy, I um well I... Oh God Alex I've done something really stupid. Have you ever done anything really stupid?"

Alex just gave her a look as if to say "Really" He then followed with "Jo how long have you known me now? I do stupid things all the time. What is it that you have done?" He asked as he sat on the bed smiling to himself. Jo had no idea how beautiful he thought she was when she got herself all tongue tide and nervous.

"It's a long story, one stupid thing led to another..."

"Okay" He said smiling at how she was twisting the tie of her dressing gown.

"You are going to be really pissed with me."

"Mmm let's see, did you have sex with someone else today while I was at work?"

"Ass. Of course not."

"Did you make out with someone else today while I was at work?"

"Alex really!"

"Have you started collecting teddy bears?"

"Alex I'm being serious. I really think you are going to be angry."

"Well let me be the judge of that. What is it that is so stupid?"

"Oh God. It is so embarrassing." Jo said as she covered her face with her hands.

Alex walked over and brought her into his arms and held her. He kissed the side of her face, before tilting her chin up so she could look at him in the eyes. He lent down and kissed her softly and slowly, before pulling away.

"Now tell me what you have done that is so stupid."

Alex took Jo's hand and they sat on the bed together.

"Remember a while back you told me about your ex wife?"

Alex stiffened a little but nodded his head, urging Jo to continue.

"Well it got the better of me today. I wanted to check out my competition I guess."

"Jo... surely you know by now I love you, for God's sake there is no competition."

"I'm not done, not by a long shot. I found an old picture in an old Seattle Grace book; it was from an article about the Denny Duquet memorial Clinic. I thought she was pretty but wanted to see other photo's so I googled her."

"You Googled my ex-wife?"

"Yes. And Alex why didn't you tell me she used to be an underwear model?"

"Because it is not important."

"Not important...Not important! Are you insane? Of course it's important. She is tall and blonde with DD cup boobs and I... um... well look at me, nothing close to that! On a good day I'm a C cup."

"Babe really you need to calm down. It isn't a big deal. I didn't know Izzie then. She did that to pay off her student loans from med school. You are gorgeous. You have nothing to be jealous of. I love you. You have to stop this. You have to stop thinking I'm going to get angry with you about every little thing. I get that things have sucked for you but I am trying to make you trust me. I have never felt like this about anyone including Izzie. I was never ready; YOU are the one I want. Although I think it's kinda cute that you got jealous."

"Oh I haven't finished yet. I am glad you aren't angry about that really I am. Let's just see what you think when I tell you the next part. After I saw the photos of Izzie in her sexy lingerie and then looked at my very plain ordinary underwear. Because I don't own any actual lingerie, I started to panic."

"Panic – what on earth for?"

"That you mustn't think I am very sexy, that I'm just plain. That I wasn't kinky and hot enough for you."

"Jo sweetheart that is just stupid. When have I EVER not wanted to have sex with you?"

"Like I said I am not finished yet. So after much research I went to Victoria Secret and spent my entire monthly wage on this." Jo finished as she pulled out 3 bags from underneath the bed.

Alex stared in amazement as the woman he loved more than life itself tipped out the contents of 3 bags onto the bed. There was everything from black lace thongs, to red corsets to every colour you could think of matching bra and panty sets. Alex's eyes went from the sexy underwear to his girlfriend's face that had begun to fill with tears.

"I am so stupid Alex and now I have no money to pay you rent, or pay for food or bills. And I look ridiculous in this stuff anyway." Jo said as she pulled the robe around herself tighter."

"You are not stupid. But Princess you don't need all of this stuff for me to want you. Although I would like to see you in that red corset thing, because well that is hot and what man wouldn't want their girlfriend in that." Alex said trying to make her smile.

"See you do want me to wear this stuff."

"No I want you in whatever you want to wear, beside, that is just the wrapping the stuff I want is underneath."

Alex kissed her neck and undid her robe, only to find Jo in a Jade Green lace thong and matching bra.

"Fuck." Alex muttered as he took her in.

"Don't Alex I'm embarrassed enough as it is."

"WHY? You look...wow I've got nothing. Hot just doesn't cut it. Have you seen yourself?" Alex took Jo by the shoulders and moved her into the bathroom where she could see herself in the mirror.

"Alex don't, I look ridiculous."

"Shut up and just look at yourself."

Jo slowly looked at herself in the mirror and felt self conscious, she wasn't completely crazy she knew she was pretty just not Lingerie model pretty. She looked at her reflection, and then looked at Alex looking back at her in the mirror. She could feel his body pressed against her back. He obviously found her arousing in her new purchase as she could feel him growing very hard against her.

He began to kiss her neck and run his hands down her body.

"Alex please don't."

"Trust me. I want you to watch me make you come in the mirror; I want you to see just how beautiful you are. I want you to see what I get to see."

"I do trust you, it's just..."

Alex was now totally distracting her as he began placing kisses on her neck, running his hands over her breasts, making her nipples harden into peaks. He pushed her breasts out of her new bra but left it on. He then travelled further south and began to rub her through her new panties. Before long he moved them aside and placed one finger deep inside her. Jo's head rolled back onto Alex's shoulders as she began to give herself to him.

"Open your eyes; I want you to see how sexy you are." He whispered in her ear.

At this point Alex could have made her do anything. She lifted her head and watched in the mirror as Alex kept teasing her until he added a second finger at that point she moaned throatily and before long watched herself orgasm on Alex's hand.

She turned around and kissed him full on the mouth before they retreated back to the bedroom. The new lingerie was pushed aside and they fell on the bed. Alex couldn't remember being more turned on and entered Jo in one fluid movement. They always fell into the right rhythm and before long Jo climaxed again shortly followed by Alex.

"Fuck... that was good." Alex said kissing her shoulder.

"Oh...My...God, that was, that was well fantastic."

"Yes, now will you believe me that you are sexy and hot and I don't want anyone but you?"

"But Alex I spent my entire monthly wage on that stuff. I can't pay rent and I can't buy food."

"Totally worth it." He said smirking at her.

"Alex I'm being serious."

"So am I. Let's just say I am more than happy to let your rent slide this week and supply you with food. Let's face it all that stuff you bought I get the benefits of it so, let's call it even."

"Jerk."

"Shut up you love me."

"Yeah I guess I do."

**A/N Thank you for reading and please be kind and review**


	2. Intimidated

**A/N: Thanks for all of your reviews. You have been very kind. Still not entirely sure where this is all going but I like to figure things out as I go!**

**Chapter 2 – Intimidated**

Alex searched everywhere he could think of. If he didn't find her soon he would have to leave without her. He couldn't, and he wouldn't miss today's special event. He still couldn't believe that Meredith and Derek had asked him to be a Godparent to baby Bailey and Zola along with Christina. Since Mark and Lexie were Zola's Godparents, new ones needed to be appointed. Meredith and Derek thought it made sense that the children shared the same Godparents, of course with the support of Alex and Christina's partners Jo and Owen.

Alex had tried paging Jo, texting Jo, calling her and checking the surgery board. No sign of her anywhere. A part of him was worried that something had happened, she had taken a fall, or was really ill, but if that were true he would know after all they were in a freaking hospital. No his gut was telling him she was standing him up for some reason. Something he was sure made sense to her but certainly didn't to him.

Jo was hiding. She could admit it, hiding in the NICU supply cupboard. She had counted and re-counted the number of battery packs Dr Robbins had ordered since the backup generator failed. It wasn't helping, nothing she could do, was calming her down.

Arizona walked in to find Jo sitting on an up turned bucket, breathing into a brown paper bag.

"Jo? Are you okay?" Arizona asked carefully.

"Not really." Jo replied.

"Why? What's wrong? "

"I can't go. I just...I just can't."

"Why can't you go? You are dressed; your hair is done, other than fixing your make-up I'd say you were ready to go."

"I don't belong there. All of Alex's friends are my bosses, and if that isn't bad enough, most of them own the hospital."

"I am one of those people and you are talking to me." Arizona pointed out.

"You're different."

"Why? "

"You just are." Jo said weakly.

"Ahh I see it's because you feel like I am on the outer too. Which I am, when you cheat on your wife, and you share the same friends, they are going to take side. Most have taken Callie's, understandably."

"Sorry." Jo said.

Arizona sighed, after all it was true. "I was still invited though."

"So why aren't you going?"

"My guess is the same reason you aren't. Too scared to face it. In my case it's justifiable, in yours it really isn't. I've known Alex for a long time. He is a good guy, I have never seen him so happy and content and a lot of that is because of you. He wants you there. You need to be there to support him. It's a big deal to be trusted enough to be asked to be a Godparent to a child."

"I know! Logically I know all of that, it's just I feel so intimidated by all of his friends."

"Now you are just being silly."

"Well I don't see you planning on going. The Shepherds are your friends as well as Dr Torres; I think you should go too."

"Okay, I will go if you go."

Jo looked unsure but finally agreed. Within 15 minutes the two women were driving out to the Shepherds property. They were now 45 minutes late and would have definitely missed the important part. Jo just hoped Alex would understand.

Alex had mixed emotions when he saw Jo and Arizona almost running into the marquee that had been set up for the Naming Service. She wasn't hurt or ill thank God, Jo was with Arizona, and did that mean there was a problem in the Ped's department? Maybe he mis-judged her. Then he remembered Arizona had told him there was no way in hell she was going to the Naming Service, as it would be too awkward for her.

So Alex quickly worked out that if it wasn't for his boss that Jo probably wouldn't have bothered turning up at all. He gave her a look as hard as steel as Jo approached him.

"Alex I'm sorry I'm late. I know..." Jo managed to get out before Alex interrupted.

"Late...Late... You missed the whole thing, the only thing left is to have a few photos taken and have some food."

"But you know how intimidated I get..."

"Jo today was really important to me; I really wanted you here with me. Yet again you make everything about you."

Jo was about to argue this point when Meredith joined them.

"Oh there you are Jo. Can you pair come with me; the photographer wants to get a couple of photos with you guys. Just because Christina is the Godmother, doesn't mean you won't have a big part in Zola and Bailey's lives." Meredith said linking arms with Jo so she couldn't make an escape.

Meredith had always liked Jo and thought she was really good for Alex. Jo reminded Meredith a little of herself. Well the person she was when she started out as an intern. Meredith didn't know Jo's full story but she knew a damaged soul when she saw one. Ever since having Bailey, Meredith had softened a lot and was hoping together Alex and Jo would be able to heal each other.

Alex had Zola on his hip and an arm around Jo as Jo held baby Bailey in her arms. It made a beautiful photo even if the smiling was a little fake.

"Thanks." The photographer said.

Jo held onto Bailey and cuddled him in closer as she moved away to put some distance between her and Alex. Bailey's little hand reached up to twist her hair around his fingers. She smiled down at him and realised her big mistake at not being there earlier. _ I am such an idiot. _ Zola was now on the ground and had run over to her.

"My turn Aunt Jo! Up." Zola demanded.

"Here give Bailey to me." Alex offered.

Jo picked Zola up and began talking to her as Alex took Bailey over to Christina for some more photos. Zola was then called over as well which left Alex and Jo with nowhere to go.

"Alex please let me explain!"

"Okay. What crisis was it this time?"

"That's not fair."

"No. Oh I'm sorry I thought everything revolved around you so I just assumed you had some sort of crisis to attend to." Alex said sarcastically.

"Will you please listen? I fucked up okay. I know I did. Today wasn't about me. Today was about those two beautiful kids and it was about you."

"Well I am glad you finally get it." Again with sarcasm.

"Alex please I'm trying to apologise here."

"Yeah I know, but Jo, it took Arizona to talk you around. It always takes someone to talk you around. I know some of this stuff is hard for you. I know that you haven't got great self esteem and that you get intimidated by my friends. But I don't think you understand how important today was for me."

"Alex please don't be angry."

"I'm trying really hard here Jo, but you gotta meet me half way. Eight years ago I was in your shoes I get it. Not feeling good enough to mix with these Ivy League school types. But I worked hard and I have real friends now, friends that wanted me...ME to have the responsibility of raising their children if anything were too happen to them. All I asked from you in return was for you to share that with me. You are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with. I wanted you to be a part of that. Today was a huge honour for me."

"I know I know it is I was being selfish. All I can say is I'm sorry."

"Yeah well Jo, sometimes sorry just doesn't cut it." Alex stated before leaving Jo standing alone.

_Oh God what have I done._

_**A/N: Please be kind and leave a review. After all it motivates us to continue and it does not take very long!**  
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	3. Self worth

**A/N: Thank you so much for your reviews. I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

**Chapter 3 – Self Worth**

Alex had been standing by the window, watching Jo sitting outside talking and playing with the children, Tuck, Sofia and Zola. Jo's face was animated, just like it always was when she was with kids, just another one of the many reasons why Alex loved her so much. It was also another reason why he still didn't understand why she missed the Naming Ceremony earlier today.

"How much longer are you going to make her suffer Karev?" Arizona asked.

"You don't get it." He replied.

"You know what Alex I don't think you get it. Look I am the last person here to give relationship advice, but on behalf of the people who have fucked up relationships, Jo is hurting. I found her having a panic attack, at the hospital. She was breathing into a paper bag. She wanted to be here desperately, but for whatever reason she was petrified to be here."

"Fuck! A panic attack, why on Earth would today cause a panic attack? Look a part of me knows that she wanted to be here. It's just the other part is so damn pissed off. I don't know what else I can do or say to make her understand, she can trust me. I sometimes feel like all I do is rescue her. Just this once I needed to have her here holding my hand, making me feel less nervous." Alex then added "Repeat that too anyone and I will deny it."

Arizona ignored Alex's attempt at lightening the mood. "You need to be telling her that not me." Arizona said before she left.

Alex continued watching as Arizona said her goodbyes to everyone and stopped to talk to Jo on her way to the car. Alex felt like a total ass when he could see the look of fear on Jo's face. He guessed it was because Arizona had said Jo should get a lift home with Alex. He decided it was time to leave too.

"Hey." Alex said tentatively as he approached the two women.

"Like I said Jo, Alex will take you home. Hey and I know it is only early days for you to be choosing a specialty I would love to have you consider Ped's. Watching you over the last few months, you're good, natural and the kids really like you. Anyway give it some thought, I can write you a great reference. I wrote one for Alex and you show much more promise than he ever did." Arizona said with a laugh.

Alex rolled his eyes at her before Jo had a chance to speak she was so shocked.

"Really? Wow, um thank you so much Dr Robbins that is so nice of you. I have been enjoying my time in paediatrics."

"Like I said its early days for you to make your mind up but I do think Ped's suits you. Anyway guys, I am taking Sofia home, it's my weekend with her. See you Monday."

"Alex I'm sorry about today. I know I ruined this for you and I totally understand if you want to break up."

"Oh Jo, come here." Alex said as he pulled her into his arms. He held on to her, and could feel her trembling. "Baby it's going to take a little more than arriving late at a Naming Day Service for me to even think about breaking up with you."

"Really? Because I let you down and after all..." Alex cut Jo off by cupping her face and kissing her ever so gently, yet firm enough to let her know he wasn't going anywhere.

"Jo I was a jerk today, I should have realised how hard today would be for you. After everything you have been through I could have been a little more understanding."

"No I knew how important today was for you. You have worked hard to gain the respect from your friends. You needed me."

"How about we go home? I think we have some things to talk about."

A look of fear flashed across Jo's eyes, before Alex took her hand in his and rubbed small circles in her palm to calm her down.

"It's nothing to be scared about. There are just some things I want to talk to you and ask you about. I promise if it gets too hard then we stop. Deal."

Jo managed a weak smile before adding "Deal."

They arrived back home after saying their goodbyes and sat down on the couch with a pizza they had picked up on the way home. After finishing the pizza and throwing the box out, Jo took Alex's hand.

"You deserve an explanation about what happened today." Jo started.

"I get most of it Jo. I do. My friends, they own the God Damned hospital, Meredith and Derek own that multimillion dollar property, they are all your bosses on any given day, so yeah I get that it is intimidating. But hun, you have known them for a while now, you know they all love you, even Christina."

"I know, they do. I am starting to feel a little better about myself when I am with them. It's just the property."

"The Shepherds?"

"Yeah, it just reminds me really vividly of a bad experience. It's silly and it was years ago."

"Jo if it makes you so upset that you give yourself a panic attack, then it can't be silly."

"How do you know? " Jo asked in horror.

"Arizona gave me a dressing down, as only she can about how she found you in the NICU supply cupboard."

"Oh I wish she hadn't."

"Well I wish it hadn't happened at all, and I wish I hadn't been such an ass to you today. So please tell me what has you so spooked about going out to the Shepherds property?" Alex asked putting his arm around Jo, bringing her in close so her head was resting on his chest.

Alex knew from experience that when Jo had an awful story to tell from her past she wouldn't look at him. She hated seeing the anger in his eyes when he heard the horrendous things that she had been through. He guessed that what she was about to tell him would be no different.

"It's a story as old as time. I met this guy in high school. He was from a wealthy family; his dad was a Doctor actually. Anyway for a few months he was so nice to me, but told me no-one could know we were together because his ex girlfriend would go crazy and he wanted to protect me from that. I stupidly believed that."

"Guys can be jerks." Alex said as he kissed the top of her head.

"This day he promised me he would take me to his house after school, meet his parents, and show me how serious about me he really was." Jo said her voice quivering a little.

Alex held her tighter. "It's okay; you don't have to tell me anymore."

"No I want too. Anyway I lost my virginity that day in the shed where his dad kept the boat and the bikes and all the fancy cars. Afterwards when I asked to meet his parents, he laughed in my face." Jo said as fresh tears started to fall on her cheeks.

"Asshole!" Alex muttered.

"He told me he wouldn't introduce me to his dog let alone his parents. Then he went on to explain to me that I was a piece of shit foster kid and that he was privileged. He then said some other horrible things and dropped me at the end of his drive. "

"Jo I don't know what to say."

"He gave me 20 bucks to call a cab. This made me feel like a whore. The last thing he said was - You're hot for a poor chick, I'm sure with some dance and fucking classes you could make a good living out of being a pole dancer or a hooker. He then laughed at me and drove back down his fancy driveway."

Alex knew better than to make any comments, this only made Jo more ashamed and upset. The best he could do was hold her closer.

"The Shepherds, they have the same type of shed. I know it's silly but the memory of the way he made me feel always comes back to me when we go out there."

"I wish you had told me sooner."

"I couldn't Alex it is yet another one of my life stories that I am so desperately ashamed of."

"You have nothing to be ashamed of. So you gave up your first time to a guy who lied and bullshitted to you, that is on him not you. He made you believe things that just weren't true.

"Alex I was only 14 at the time. It is stupid what I would do for love back then."

"What? How old was he?"

"16. He really did convince me I was special."

"He is an asshole."

"Yeah he is." Jo looked up into Alex's eyes. For the first time she didn't see anger, anger that he usually had, because he wanted to kill the person responsible for Jo's misery.

This time all Jo could see reflected in Alex's eyes for love and affection.

"You are the most courageous woman I have ever met. I love you." He said softly before kissing her softly.

**A/N: Thanks for reading. Please send me a review. It doesn't take long and it is very much appreciated.**


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